Hi Scoopers! Do you remember that last blog of mine where I discussed, “It’s Just an Innocent Date”? Well ladies, I kinda sorta did it again. I somehow managed to talk myself right into another “innocent” date that went wrong. This time I learned the same things for a second time and had a few new lessons to take away.
I have been friends with this particular date for five years. I thought that I did a pretty decent job of explaining to him on many occasions that I just wasn’t interested. He continued to contact me stating that he just enjoyed my company and was interested in maintaining a friendship with me. I agreed that our differences weren’t worth dismissing what could turn out to be a long term friendship. He asked me out on several occasions to go with him to various events, but I declined. I knew that he still had a “thing” for me, so I didn’t want to go down that road.
After several years of him asking, this year I finally accepted an invitation to a professional game. Why? Ladies, I have a really hard time turning people down after the umpteenth time. Lol! I can play tough girl for a really long time, but I really don’t like bruising the feelings of others; therefore, I accepted. I know, I know…I can’t believe I did it! I really thought it was harmless…again. I thought, “Hey, we’re just two friends going out to a game for a good time! No biggie!” NOT! He still had a “thing” for me and he made it known. He was in my personal space, he tried to kiss me (yes I dodged the kiss in front of everybody at the game- yikes!), he tried to hold my hand, put his arm around me, and shared with me how much he missed me.
Ladies, this date left me with so many thoughts, decisions, and realizations about dates that I felt it robbery to not share with you all.
- An outing with a guy is rarely “just an innocent date.” I believe that most guys ask ladies out with the intention to either get to know them better or ignite an old flame. They also ask ladies out with the hope that they can at least have a good time with a beautiful girl, if nothing else. When we go out with men without knowing that there’s potential for a future mate in that person, we’re wasting our time as well as theirs. We also set ourselves up for expectations that we have no clue about. I had no intentions of ever holding his hand, kissing him, or being wrapped in his arms, but that was everything he expected from me and attempted during our time out.
- Time is being wasted. Going out on dates with guys that you know you have no interest in can waste so much of your time. After I looked at the time it took me to travel to city where the game was and the actual time I spent with him, I felt sick and frustrated with myself. A total of ten hours went towards that date. 10! Do you know what I could have done with that time? I could have written a few blogs, organized my things for the work week, ran errands, did laundry, and so many other things. However, I was out with someone that could have spent his evening with another person that was actually interested in him. We both wasted time and money.
- You’re not a pleasant date. In most cases, if someone isn’t enjoying themselves on a date it’s difficult to give the illusion that you’re really having a good time. I tried my best to be a pleasant date because regardless of my disappointment in myself for deciding to go, he still invited me to the game and I wanted to make sure he had a good time. After I reevaluated myself at the end of the night, I noticed that I wasn’t the nicest date in the world. I was forced to be rude to him when I had to tell him to give me my space. I probably embarrassed him when he dove in for that kiss on the cheek during the game…yeah, the one that I ducked! I was just really up tight and probably not as enjoyable as the girl that is probably really interested in making it work with him.
Scoopers, if my mistake is not enough to scare you away from senseless and purposeless dating, then I don’t know what will. As for me, I cannot date random men that God has not called to be my husband for all of the reasons above. At this time in life, wasting time is not an option. When we date men that aren’t our potential mates, we prolong the time it takes for God to send him to us. Also, if we’re single, our affections should be for God. He should get all of our attention. He has so many great secrets to share with us regarding the route in which we should take and even men, but if we’re not spending serious quality time with Him we’ll never come to the knowledge of what He’s trying to say. After this date, God really called me to a place of sincere singleness. I apologized for wasting time and asked for His forgiveness and told Him that I want to learn how to love only Him. I don’t want to be in another relationship until I learn how to submit myself to him fully. I pray that as I embark on a journey of true singlehood, a lifestyle absent of so-called “innocent dates”, that you all will be inspired by my story. Please take this time in your singleness to love on God, yourself, and others.