The Mollie Column: As a follow up from my last post about questions after college, I thought it would be good to discuss setting boundaries for oneself. This is an area that God is currently speaking to me about, so all of my findings are not complete, but I just want to share with you what He’s sharing with me.
Have you ever experienced a broken heart due to a relationship that went sour, but later realized that he wasn’t to blame for your heartache? Have you ever shoved your fist in your mouth after saying something that shouldn’t have been said? Have you ever been so excited about an idea that you told everyone around you and then got upset because their response wasn’t what you expected? Well, I believe we’ve all faced dissatisfying moments in life that could have been avoided just by GUARDING OUR HEARTS.
On December 7, 2012, I wrote an entry in my journal about being hurt and God reminded me that I needed to guard my heart. He took me back to Proverbs 4:23-27. Verse 23 in NLT says, “Guard you heart above all else, for it DETERMINES THE COURSE OF YOUR LIFE.” When I read that scripture, I went back in my mind to all the times that I allowed others to hurt me. Ladies, if we don’t guard our hearts like we guard our material possessions, then we are going to find our lives spinning out of control. What we allow into our hearts and minds will surely determine our emotions and eventually our actions if we aren’t careful. After God made that scripture clear to me, I then began writing out all of the areas that needed to be guarded. Here goes…
First, God reminded me that I am a SPIRITUAL BEING living in a temporary earth suit. I am spiritual and I don’t have to submit to the flesh. He reminded me to keep my body in check by fasting frequently; this will tell the flesh who’s in control. So, that was one boundary established…the flesh is not allowed to reign my life through emotions, eating habits, or laziness!
For the second boundary, God took me back to my grade school days. When I started talking on the phone in high school my parents had a rule set that stated there would be no talking on the phone after 10pm. I absolutely despised that rule and did away with it shortly after I entered college! Lol…that’s where I went wrong, smh. My parents understood that at some point I needed to wind down and prep for the next day…and now I understand. God told me that this would be the time He and I would spend together. He understands that throughout the day I am not able to have uninterrupted prayer or talks since I’m always around family, work from 8-5, and additional activities that take up my day. However, in order for me to be able to put my best foot forward on this journey called life…He and I spend time at 10pm, he speaks to me, studies with me, helps me pick out my clothes for the next day, and puts me to bed at a decent hour. Have I mastered this? No, but I’m well on my way. It feels good to know that many of my friends have already caught on to the fact that I do not talk on the phone after 10pm…it’s a boundary. You have to allow yourself some “me-time” and quiet time; it’s essential.
There are a few more boundaries that God led me to set, but I’m only going to discuss the one that I believe women deal with the most, that of allowing others to dump their issues on our plates. This is a big one for me. Sometimes I believe I am viewed as the “counselor friend,” if you know what I mean. Lol. My friends and sometimes randoms confide in me about whatever they’re facing. I allow it because I am naturally a listener and enjoy helping others come up with solutions to their problems. I also enjoy encouraging others, so this gives me the opportunity to do so; however, this is not always a good thing. Sometimes the information that is being shared isn’t always positive or healthy for my heart, so God said stop being a garbage disposal for others. “You’re a beautiful young LADY, not a trashcan!”
So, ladies, remember that. You’re a beautiful vessel created for carrying out the will of God, not some trashcan for people to dump their issues into. Guard your heart better than that and choose not to accept calls or listen to your friends or coworkers complain about life’s issues; learn to say enough is enough. I urge you ladies, to be bold for Christ and stand up for yourselves! He made us stewards over our lives, so let’s make sure that we’re managing every area accordingly. Be blessed and guard that heart, for it determines the course of your life! ;)
P.S. Your challenge is to SET UP BOUNDARIES!
Abundantly Receiving Divine Direction,
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