A girl’s guide to moving forward!
All too often we allow circumstances, situations, people, broken relationships, and friendships to keep us in bondage. Friendships that went awry, misunderstandings, miscommunications etc. can often leave us in a stagnant state- unsure of what to do with the relationship and unsure how to let go of the cloud of funk that it left behind. Often in the midst of the debris is bitterness, hurt, frustration, angry, resentment, and the worst of them all confusion. Standing still in the midst of all the chaos can be a little blinding and can often make one miss the boat to head towards safer (calmer) ground.
Below I’ve put together a sure fire list that can help every girl move past the funk and head towards the horizon!
This list is totally tried, tested and TRUE! Over the course of the year, God has blessed me with the keys to JOY, PEACE, LAUGHTER, and a SOUND MIND! Remember, weeping may endure for a night, but JOY always comes in the morning! :)
Before you can move forward you must first:
Address your feelings HEAD ON: -All too often unattended, and untreated feelings of hurt creeps its way into healthy relationships. The hurt can stem from so many places: disloyalty, rejection, disappointment, or maybe even your own perception of how people may perceive you or feel about you. Regardless of the reason, unaddressed hurt is destructive because HURT PEOPLE, HURT PEOPLE. Unaddressed hurt opens the door and sows poison into healthy relationships . (Negativity, bad thoughts, negative words, ill feelings, and negative tones that can be heard even when you’re silent.) Hurt takes TIME and PRAYER to heal. It doesn’t end after a conversation or after a successful interaction.
Sometimes the BEST thing to do is take time away to CONTINUALLY ASK GOD to settle and UNRAVEL the tainted emotions in your heart before you allow your emotions to bring ruin to promising friendships and relationships that could be helpful to both you and the other individual.
1. Don’t replace. -Taking time away to deal with your emotions often places a great distance between you and the other person. Our first desire is often to fill that void. It’s easy to try to replace the person with something or someone else. Although this may sound like a brilliant idea, bringing your old problems that haven’t been addressed let alone fixed into a new friendship or relationship is disastrous. It’s like putting clean socks on dirty feet. If it doesn’t stink IMMEDIATELY… you can be sure that over time, it will. So don’t worry about replacing any friendships or significant others just yet, clear the air by addressing the issues head on.
2. Don’t tell your friends LOL! (My Besties are probably reading this like “Girl, What?!?” lol.) Okay, we all know that your best friends can be THE BEST COUSELORS! They’re honest, insightful, and they’ll do anything to lift your spirits! My girlfriends would listen to me sing Old McDonald for hours if they thought it would make me feel better! Even though we might all have wonderful friends who listen and inquire, I’ve learn that re-hashing and continuously bringing up “the issue(s)” might not necessarily be the best thing for YOU. The word of God says that “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” Sometimes discussing negative situations, thoughts and feelings over and over again gives birth and life to a bigger monster than what you were originally dealing with. Now, I’m definitely not saying hide important issues from your friends, because friends can really help keep things in perspective in THE BEST WAY; what I am saying is SPEND TIME TALKING TO YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT GOOD STUFF…not the negative!
3. CHOOSE to change your focus – what you focus on IS a choice. You don’t have to think negatively or sad. Our thoughts can let the sun shine in or it can keep us in total darkness. Often thoughts of the wrong doing or the frustration appear in our thoughts and before we know it the cloud of funk has settled its way BACK into our presence, like a storm right in your path. In situations like this, I choose to SPEAK OUT LOUD TO THE STORM: “I’m not going to think about this.” “I refuse for (the problem) to rule my thoughts.” Remember Philippians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. No bad thoughts.
4. STOP whatever you’re doing… Pray Immediately– Thoughts can sneak up on us at anytime. It could be a story a friend tells, a movie, a gift, or even a facebook status that can set off a long line of THOUGHTS that can send you into an emotional ball of goo. LOL. As soon as they start take the time to stop what you’re doing, find a private spot (bathroom, car, closet, etc) and PRAY. Although it MAY seem a little weird stepping away from company unannounced, it’s needed. I think of going to pray like RECHARGING your battery or putting gas in your car- the car isn’t moving forward without all the proper tools needed. Here are a couple things to ask God for during prayer… better yet DECLARE during prayer, ‘(He’s already given you everything you need to succeed in life): Peace, Joy, a Sound Mind, Comfort, Forgiveness, Love, strength, and a NEW FOCUS.
Also, the Word of God says that “God inhabits the praises of His people,” (Psalms 22:3) and we know that there is no better place than to be in the presence of God! SO GET YOUR PRAISE ON!! You have plenty to be thankful for… if anything praise God in advance for the healing of your heart! :))
5. Know your scriptures- Even if you just know 2 or 3! I know, it sounds a little crazy and a little complicated, but it’s the key to your break through. Google scriptures that minister to YOUR feelings or circumstances. If you’re unsure where to start looking them up then ask a friend! Important notice: Every time you pray use your scriptures. (Add a free Bible App to your smart phone and you can have access to them at any time or place.)
Here are a few of my favorites!:
Psalms 34:18 “God is near to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (NIV)
Psalms 91: 1 -2
5. Get moving with YOUR life: Nothing can be a bigger distraction than DRAMA. It’s the greatest trick of the enemy to keep your head in the clouds and off the path that God laid out for you. Now’s the time for you to RE-FOUCS. Get back on track. Attack your goals by taking the step towards accomplishing the dream inside of you. God has a way of drawing us closer in our most difficult situations. So embrace God and let Him show you His peace, comfort and His path :) …Be sure to call your friends and ask them to pray WITH YOU.
6.Choose forgiveness: Okay, it may take some time for you to forgive AND TO REALLY MEAN IT. Often we think we forgive because we are no longer highly emotional about the issue at hand, but true forgiveness takes time. You have not forgiven if you’re still counting the faults and you definitely haven’t forgiven when you can only imagine the worst in the presence of the other person. Forgiveness takes time and PRAYER. Lack of forgiveness can kill current/future relationships. Don’t let un-forgiveness of your past experiences affect the other relationships you have. Put it at the TOP OF THE PRAYER LIST
7. Apologize: There are two sides to every story. Sometimes your actions can be misinterpreted. Apologize when necessary… it’s usually always necessary.
Hope this helps!!